Learning To Grow with Grace

This post was originally written several years ago and has been lightly edited for clarity and relevance. It reflects my thoughts and experiences from that season of life.

There should be a jealousy for the Lord’s honor and a compassion for men’s souls like a wellspring ever in the heart; and then the outgoing effort should be with all the wisdom of the serpent and the harmlessness of the dove; and “if any lack wisdom, let him ask of God.” —William Arnot

There is beauty in weeds.

I have been asking God to grow me. I have been begging Him to clean out my weeds. It is definitely a big job because I have a lot of junk floating around in my heart. I refuse to put God in a box, and I am trusting that He will do this work in His loving and gentle way.

I strongly believe that God has given me a unique perspective on life. I did not come to this realization easily or quickly. Much of my younger years were spent altering my views to fit comfortably with those around me so that I would not be “wrong.” I struggled to claim my own opinions and perceptions. Early on, I learned—right or wrong— that making mistakes or being different was not okay. Perfection was the goal.

I tried desperately to teach myself character traits, talents, and even alter my appearance just to fit in. Insecurity was the name of the game, and I was a big player.

Fast forward to my adult years, and I still struggle with insecurities. The difference now is that I am far more comfortable in my own skin and with the gifts God has entrusted to me. I have nurtured my faith and my relationship with my King—it is my own. I say the wrong things. I give the wrong advice. I certainly do not have it all together.

Satan knows my weaknesses, and thankfully, he is not very creative, so he tends to use the same tactics over and over. His attacks feel weaker now, not because life is easier, but because I am growing stronger. My strength comes from a deeper understanding and a firmer foundation.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”
—Proverbs 9:10

Instead of striving for perfection, I am learning to be okay with imperfection. I am on a journey of growing in the knowledge of who God is—and what a ride it is.

For those of you who cross my path regularly, I humbly ask for your grace and kindness when my imperfections show. Please know that my heart is genuine and true.

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.
—Marilyn Monroe